Table 42

The drive to Fort Worth went well. I left Midland about 8 am and got there just in time for lunch. I was a little upset. I have a coworker, who I hang with. She's been trying to get a car and sell her truck. For some reason she's been looking outside the area for the perfect car. For me, if I want a car I just go to a car dealership and get one. She found a seller from another state and they agreed to meet outside Dallas to test drive and buy the car. She asked me if I could drive her and I agreed. I was already driving to Fort Worth. After all, she's been there for me when I have needed something and I do consider her a friend. I get to her house as planned and instead, tells me she decided against it and starts to tell me why. I was trying to get away so I could make it on time to Fort Worth, but she kept talking. I finally had to tell her I wanted to get on the road.

In a way I am glad she didn't hitch a ride with me. I probably would have spent the entire day following her, trying to make sure she got her car. I would be a terrible person if I just dropped her off and left.

My sister and I have been hanging out all day. We had lunch, we went out and now, having dinner at our favorite place. We always sit in the same table.

We talk, laugh or just listen to music. We have been discussing my next move for work. Do I take the test again? Leave it alone? Have the big bosses at work already surrendered and accepted I will never pass the test and so they are not counting on me? Or does it even matter? Do I want to continue going through all the stress? I don't know. I still have a few weeks to think about it and plan for. But like I said, I think it's a big sign that I have taken this test already 5 times and I can't pass it. I take the other one and passed it on the first try. Do I belong here? What's going on? Do unicorns exist? Did Elvis leave the building? I don't know, I should stop stressing myself out.

Tuesday I have a visit from that person I kicked out of my room last week. She asked if I would be ready for her Tuesday. Do I have a choice? I asked myself. I really wish just the big bosses would make all the observations and everyone else would just stay away. The added pressure of an additional audience member is enough to take me into a stressful episode. I am so scared to death all this stress will lead me back to a trip to the ER like last year.

Oh well. Off to relax some more.