WARNING: The following blog entry is not a happy one.
"heartbreak is a reminder that you risked. That you're alive. That you're brave. That you tried and you are better for it."
That quote sucks ass. When you are in pain and heartbroken you can't stop and say, "oh I am awesome. I hurt, but gosh darn it, I risked and my heart has been smashed into tiny little pieces, but no worries I am better for it." We'll screw you life.
I have been keeping myself super busy at work, my apartment and anywhere else I can think of. I want this feeling of heartbreak and pain to go away. I have noticed if I start thinking of other things, it goes away. If I let myself think for just a second, all goes bad. I can't allow myself to feel this way, it's not worth it.
The true feelings I am feeling is loneliness. I don't know why I keep chasing dreams and jobs that take me away from friends and family and into the unknown. Places were I have no friends.
I have refused myself to allow to feel sad or cry. When I feel the tears coming, I just start thinking of other things. Other people have it worse, they are homeless, hungry, no place to live. And what are you? Just heartbroken and in pain...boo whoo, get over it.
Anyway, don't feel sorry for me my one blogger reader, or yeah, that Tori Amos fan that Googled her, found me. (No worries, she's coming to Texas in the summer. Yippee!) I am one strong person and I shall get over it. But for now, this is my only escape and this is the only channel I have to express myself.
Work was fine. Ate a salad for lunch and dinner.
That is all.
How do you deal when you are having a bad day? Life?
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