Great news, why can't I celebrate?

Today I received the best news ever. I had my annual teacher review with my boss, the principal, and he invited me back to teach for another year. That's amazing news to hear. From all the hard work, stress, sleepless nights this was the icying on the cake. This is why I worked so hard this year. And yes, the year is not over, but that's the goal, to be invited back.

I wish I could burst out with happiness. If I could, I would start my own celebratory parade down the streets of Midland, but I still have so much to accomplish. I need to pass two more certification exams and pass my internship program before I can celebrate.

I am sitting alone at GenGhis Grill right now, enjoying some food, trying to feel happy about the news, but I can't seem to bring myself to celebrate. Most importantly, I really wish I had someone to celebrate with. I am far away from friends and family and eating alone, again, is something I am used to. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy going out alone and my independence, but news like these deserve some type of celebration.

Oh and something else. I went to the nurses office to weight myself and I have lost 6 more ponds. I had to get on that scale three times before it hit me that, I had actually lost six more pounds. I justcouldn't believe it.

So many happy news today, but that lingering feeling of weirdness, cautiously walking to the celebratory parade for me is stalled. It's on hold.

Sometimes I feel like I am standing in the middle of a deserted place, I am alone and I feel like I need to break free. As if I just had three cups of black coffee and I am running on the caffeine rush. Have you ever felt that way?

Will I ever allow myself to celebrate myself? I once worked for an award winning newspaper, I was one of three nationally to be selected and be a part of a three year journalism fellowship, I was picked up by the Associate Press and yet, every time I have not allowed myself to feel that excitement, that feeling of fulfillment.

Oh well, that's life I guess.

This was lunch:

This was dinner:

Breakfast: sausage and egg and Starbucks 

Snack: Atkins snack

Lunch: see photo above

Dinner: see photo above 

Water: 2.5 liters, including iced tea.