Today was not good day.
Coming in to this job I knew I would be teaching freshmen. These 14 and 15 year old kids who are growing up, trying to find themselves. I knew, because I once was a teenager and at that age, life is hard.
So it hasn't been a big surprise that kids always want to question or challenge my authority. This is very true of my first period. In that class I have a group of kids that would rather disrupt class, disrespect me and be on their phones, instead of letting me teach.
Today was no different. One student, who I had asked to put his jacket in his locker and get a tardy refused to listen to me.
After him refusing and making a big scene I asked him to step outside my classroom. That is when he said the most hateful and hurtful words to me. I can deal with kids throwing books at me or them telling me I am a boring teacher, but when someone, just being plain ugly and hateful calls me a "big ass bitch, lose some weight and fuck you," as he's walking out, hurts.
I felt my world crushing in. I wanted to run away and hide and cry. I still do not know why that hurt so much. It hit me to my core. I know that I have been fat all my life, but having a kid say that to me, in front of the entire class, made it real.
It is no secret my weight has always been an issue. He brought in the elephant in the room.
Kids all laughed. One kid walked in from being in the restroom and some other student said, "oh you missed the greatest thing ever."
"What happened?" He asked.
At this point I was so hurt, angry and upset I got up from my desk and said, "he called me a big ass bitch. You all think your words hurt me, I don't care that you don't like me, I am here to teach you. And remember I am the one who grades your papers and can send you to the office for giving me no respect."
They all stayed quiet. They said nothing.
Inside I was still hurting.
"Stay strong," I kept telling myself as I wrote the referral and sent an email to the principal about what had happened.
I am a nice person and has never experienced this much hate from anyone. Well, except for maybe a public information officer or police chief when I was a reporter. ;)
The entire day was so upsetting for me. I knew I had to focus because I had my observation coming up in an hour.
My observation went well, but I couldn't shake what that kid said to me.
"You are doing great. You chose to be part of a very tough field. Not everyone can be a teacher. Don't be afraid, show your confidence," said the man from my certification program who came to observe me. It's like he knew what had happened and told me what I needed to hear.
He has been part of my teaching journey the entire year and today was the last time I saw him.
By the end of the day I was physically drained. So tired.
Jarod also talked to me after school and made me feel better. We had a few laughs, which eased the pain a bit.
Oh, that kid got suspension and when I called his mother after school, she apologized and said she would "be letting him have it."
Tomorrow is a new day. Reset.
And P.S. I have the best mentor ever!
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