The nightmare that won't stop

These past few nights I've had nightmares about students heckling me as I teach. I start class, show my power point slides and once we start getting into the subject and I feel I have their attention - some start to boo me. Others start to yell at me. "Shut up you are bad!" The one comment that woke me up in the middle of the night was "you suck, stop teaching!" And all this heckling happening while I have someone observing me. This faceless observer sitting in the back of the room, shacking their head in disappointment, writing notes and getting angry to the point they start to heckle me too. My nightmare ends with me opening the door to my room and running down the hall. As I leave, all you can hear is cheering from everyone. Happy I had left.

I know I don't suck. Yes, sometimes I do feel I am not that "fun teacher," hey, some kids have told me that to my face, but I am trying. I always tell them I haven't reached "my full coolness potential." They smile.

And ever since my department chair told us she was doing observations this coming week, the stress, nervousness and nightmares have not stopped.

Yesterday's nightmare felt so real, That I went to school early in the morning and sat in my class trying to plan out my week. Not to mention I am still coughing up a lung.

And tomorrow I get the results of that test I have been taking for like what feels like forever. I am not going to check my scores. I have so much going on this week. Observation, two ELA teachers are coming to my classes to reteach/model theme and I have lots of grading to do. I just don't want to feel like a failure for the week. People keep telling me, "you already passed it, you just don't know it yet." The truth is, what if I didn't?

The only good thing about today is this: