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Every year I try to reflect on the life I have lived, the things I have done and what I want to accomplish in the future. Today, as I sipped hot coffee, enjoying the cold weather and thinking about work next week, it dawned on me that my next birthday will be my 40th. I know, I don't look or feel 40, but it's coming. It will be here before I know it. Will I be ready? What will happen between now and August?

I am still single, not married and with no kids. Is this how I was meant to live? Will I forever be known as "Tia?"

In 238 days, yes, I counted, I will turn 40. I am saying goodbye to my 30s and welcoming my 40s. I am crossing that threshold of adulthood. I know, I have been an adult for quite some time. But I have always felt that 40, is that number were we have to accept our fate. We are that much closer to the midway point of 50. 

I always imagined by this time I would have a significant other, with the 3.5 kids, the mortgage and that cool job. Well, I have the cool job and the 3 kids I can forget about. Why? Well, I told myself if I ever had one I would be married or at least in a committed relationship and those options are not in the books for me right now. The .5 I can still get. I haven't decided yet if it will be a cat or a dog.

I often wonder if this is what God intended for me, or did I by some cosmic way made an unconscious choice. Did he put forth the best two scenarios for me and I unintentionally without notice, just made it? In essence, did I make my own bed? Did I have that symbolic two doors and I walked right through one without giving it a second though?

Well, in seeing that in 238 days I will be turning the big 40, I will try to live everyday to the fullest. Let's see if my "Project 40" will turn into something. Will I learn something along the way? Is this just my own therapeutic way of accepting that I am indeed getting super old and just want to make myself feel better about it? Who knows. 

Last week I gave my brother a copy of my life insurance papers and told him I had made Aly and Caleb my beneficiaries. When I die, they will get a big chunk of money.

"But you are only 39 Tia..." He told me. "39...young."

Once I decided this was going to be my next blog adventure, I couldn't wait to get idea to paper. People always make their New Years resolutions and I for one have never been that good in keeping them. So this blog, will turn into my "Project 40" of some sorts. Sure, I will use it to write about whatever is happening and if I think about it, it will stay to be the exact same blog, but now it will have a purpose. What will I write about you ask? Well, I am not sure. I am sure I can focus on my bucket list or expressing myself about work or my love for coffee - but this I know - it will have sometime of a countdown. I will set some goals. I will write something motivational, for me that is.

For now, here are some ideas I have jotted down on paper. I wanted to put all this out into the internet world, before the clock struck midnight. I wanted to post something the first day of the year. 

Let's see where this crazy idea will lead me to. Will I find what I am looking for? Will it make me happier? Not sure, but this I know to be true, "Today is the first day of the rest of my life." And I can be comforted to know, that I will dance like Taylor Swift when times get tough. With Confidence, freedom and not carrying about what anyone thinks.