One year older

I turned 40 last week.

For me, this milestone is somewhat emotional. I was afraid to reach it. Afraid to accept it. After All, I don't look 40 and I sure as heck don't feel 40. 

As a kid, 40 seemed old (ask any of my 6th grade students now, they will tell you that, true story) and a number it will take forever to reach. But here I am. Hello 40.

Between teaching policies and procedures to the kiddos last week, I hummed "happy birthday" under my breath. I didn't tell anyone because, well, I am new to the job and its not like I was going to run down the halls screaming, "it's my birthday y'all!!" No, instead I let my Facebook wall quietly fill with "happy birthdays" from family and friends, and I continued teaching.

Now I want time to slow down a bit. I haven't gotten to experience some parts of life that everyone gets to. Children...marriage.

And truth be told, I began to sob on my way to work. I was sad because I didn't have any family with me. I was reaching a milestone in my life, and I didn't have anyone there.

Then the phone calls started. First my mom and then my sister. My brother sent me a video of my niece and nephew singing happy birthday, and I lost it. I thought to myself, "there's no way I can walk in to work with tears in my eyes." I managed to compose myself and put a smile on my face.

I took myself out to eat after work. It wasn't that bad. I've done it before. It usually gives me time to reflect on where I have been and what I have done and I am usually grateful for the life I have been given. Also, I didn't have to share my slice of cheesecake with anyone, so that was a win.

I remember when I turned 15 i couldn't wait to be 18. When I turned 18, I couldn't wait to turn 21 and be an adult that could legally drink. Then my mid 20s showed up and my 30s. Last year, it dawned on me, I was about to hit that number. The "over the hill" where people joke about being old.

But my life has been different. I am not the typical 40 year old. I am not married and I do not have any children. I am single, and that's ok. 

And as any single person will tell you. We are used to being on our own, celebrating has become a singles accomplishment, the "this isn't so bad, I've survived another year on my own."

Some of you may be rolling your eyes, telling me to be a big girl and accept turning 40 just like everyone. And I am.

I am grateful for this life. I have lived my dreams of becoming a news reporter. I have been able to travel and move to other cities for jobs. I have experienced and seen good and bad things in life. But I will never exchange them for the world. And now, I get to teach the future. I get to show them how to write stories and help them open their imagination. And that in itself, is a great thing.

Here is to turning 40 and to the road ahead. May I get many more.